When Life Gets Good...
The other reminder is his cute scar. I love that scar. I kiss it every night. If it were not for that scar, my son wouldn't be here. That scar means he had a transplant, and that the transplant saved his life. What could be a better reminder than that scar? I know that there are parents who rub their child's scar vigorously with Mederma. I stopped doing that in June of last year. Why? Because I want that scar there. I want to see that scar every day. It's not a bad looking deal, either. It's just there, and it's a light peachy color. Ask Anthony where his belly button is, and he'll show you (albeit reluctantly). Ask him where his scar is, and he'll pull that shirt up so high, you think he might choke on it. He loves showing that off, and I want it to stay that way.
Anyway, back to my original reason behind this post. Life is good. Anthony is healthy. Why am I sad? Believe me, 98 days in Omaha, and then a two day (at least) stay at the local Children's hospital here in Louisiana from August through December 2004 was enough for me. I'm not sad that Anthony is healthy and doesn't need that seemingly endless run of sedation, biopsies, NG tubes and eating therapy.
I do want, though, that special bonding we had. That when he didn't feel well, he'd crawl into Mommy's lap and snuggle. That he couldn't go to sleep at night unless Mommy was there holding him (or crawling into that damned hospital bed with him). I wish he could be healthy and still want Mommy all the time. At 17 months, Anthony has learned that he can be independent. He doesn't need Mommy (or Daddy) to read a book to him...he can look at the pictures alone. He doesn't need Mommy to feed him...he's really great with the hand to mouth coordination. He doesn't need to be rocked to sleep...I just put him in bed at 8:00 every night and he's asleep within minutes. Heck, he's even showing interest in potty training!
And then, there it is...always in the back of my mind...how long can this last? Will he go into rejection again? Will he eventually need another transplant?
I have a hard time sometimes, trying to separate my "Anthony thoughts" from my "normal thoughts". And I find myself not being able to concentrate on my "normal thoughts". Anthony's better...when will his mommy be?