family
(background: I'm a married mom of 2, Noah is 5 with autism, Maya is 2.5, neurotypical)
I was sent this article in the NY times about a sister that has twin autistic brothers. Those are always a little dangerous for me to read. They're like a glimpse of the future for me, but they're rarely ever positive. No, in fact, I haven't seen anything written positive about siblings and their brothers - about what they find to be special about them. No. This one was about the struggles. So I do read things about siblings of those with autism, but I always regret it. They're not our family. Even so, I just ache at the pain and hard growth that Maya will go through being in her situation. I was trying to process the article when it hit me that what I want to tell her the most is that, despite how difficult and painful it may be, this is my belief: she is made a better person because of him. And he is a better person because of her. Just like I am a better person because of my life partner, and certainly because of my children. I just hope that I can succeed in allowing her to grow and feel authentically about the whole thing, and supporting her in her journey. Each of us has journeys to go through, and if we can feel loved, and nurtured, and supported in doing so, I think we'll all be okay. I look forward to what the future brings. To see how my children grow and blossom.
I was sent this article in the NY times about a sister that has twin autistic brothers. Those are always a little dangerous for me to read. They're like a glimpse of the future for me, but they're rarely ever positive. No, in fact, I haven't seen anything written positive about siblings and their brothers - about what they find to be special about them. No. This one was about the struggles. So I do read things about siblings of those with autism, but I always regret it. They're not our family. Even so, I just ache at the pain and hard growth that Maya will go through being in her situation. I was trying to process the article when it hit me that what I want to tell her the most is that, despite how difficult and painful it may be, this is my belief: she is made a better person because of him. And he is a better person because of her. Just like I am a better person because of my life partner, and certainly because of my children. I just hope that I can succeed in allowing her to grow and feel authentically about the whole thing, and supporting her in her journey. Each of us has journeys to go through, and if we can feel loved, and nurtured, and supported in doing so, I think we'll all be okay. I look forward to what the future brings. To see how my children grow and blossom.
posted by redheadmomma at 4:23 PM
8 Comments:
I saw that article too. I just hope that my girls can be as strong and wise as her.
Cheers
I wrote a different/less negative essay about siblings (my kids) here:
http://www.raggededgemagazine.com/departments/closerlook/000884.html
What great encouraging words for some many people in so many different situations.
Hugs!
Thank you for this post. I embrace your philosphy! And I live it, too. My middle son has DS, and like you, I sometimes read articles and stories that make me think, But that's not my family....and like you, I believe that each journey is unique.
We are all so much alike, yet all so very different...it makes essays like this one even more meaningful!!
I have twins with autism and I'm sure their little brother, who has Down Syndrome, will have lots of lovely things to say about them when he's able to talk!
I love this blog and would really like to contribute. How would I go about that?
There's more about my three on:
www.charliebrewersworld.com
I have friends whose 8 year old has autism and his 5 older siblings are neurotypical (two kids, ages 11 & 12, and three adults, in their later twenties). The Times article sounds nothing like their family, except some of the symptoms of autism are similar.
I couldn't help but wonder if the writer worked hard to find a struggling family at the toughest time (teen years!) and then highlighted nothing but the problems to create a more gripping story.
Wish I had more to tell you about how my friend's kids are handling having an autistic sibling, but don't have a lot of details beyond what I've seen. And that's two cool older brothers who treat their little brother pretty well, with compassion, a pinch of sibling rivalry, and a lot of love. Same way they treat my neurotypical 4 year-old when they all play together.
--Jane
My boys both have autism (ages 8 & 10), and only recently have they began to interact. However, the youngest has always modeled after his older brother, and has always craved his attention. Now he has it. Watching them has made me realize how important siblings can be to each other.
OTOH, my coworker's husband has a coworker with an autistic teenager whose neurotypical sibling eggs on his very worst behavior. The parents are at their wit's end.
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