Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The rewrite

I read lots of scrapbooking magazines and sometimes I come across a layout that has journaling saying, "I love my life - my life is everything I wanted and more," and I wrestle with that concept a lot. Can I ever get to the point where I can say that my life is everything I wanted and more? Sure, if I rewrote what it was that I wanted.

Did I want to be happy? check. Did I want to have a career that I enjoyed? Sure. Did I want to have a fantastic marriage? Double check. Did I want to have two completely blissfully neurotypical children? Yeah, that too.

That too. I never once entertained the thought that it would be otherwise.

I've read this before, but it's imperative when something we don't like (but can't change) is presented to us, we learn to adapt, to dream new dreams. Did I actively wish for a depth & meaning to my life that many others will never get to experience? Not at all. But that is the gift that has been bestowed upon us here in our happy little family. And at the end of my life, I will be grateful for this gift. I kind of want to take it back to the returns desk at times, but that's okay. It's all okay.