Saturday, June 18, 2005

Memories of Sarah

I was going through some old boxes of "stuff" the other day and under a pile of papers I found some photos and a video tape. I looked at the writing on the tape and discoverd that it was the one and only video tape I had ever made of my daughter Sarah. How it got to the bottem of the box of "stuff" I will never know but there it was right in front of me. How could I resist not running to the VCR and poping in that tape. As we sat there watching it I discoverd it was taken the day before she had her cardiac arrest and was life flighted to Childrens Hospital in Pittsburgh. Her face wasn't as happy as I knew her to be but there she was for all of us to see once again. Oh how those memories came flooding back to me. Little Sarah has been gone for 2 and a half years now but it seems like yesterday I was running back and forth between home and hospital.
My mom sat there giving my new daughter Katie a bottle and at 2 and a half months old I don't think she much cares what goes on except keeping her belly full and dry diapers, but when that tape went into the vcr she stopped what she was doing and she sat and stared at the tv watching her sister. It was almost like a message from Sarah. Somehow Katie knew she should look and watch her sister and as she sat there smiling away at the tv and the baby she saw I wonder if she knew it was her guardian angel watching over her. Some people don't belive in Angels or signs but I can tell you I do. Sarah watches out for all of us everyday.


Blogger Tara Marie said...

I got chills thinking about your finding the video and Katie stopping to watch it. I too believe in angels and signs and from your recount of the moment I must say Sarah was with you all in spirit and smiling down on her Mommy and sister.

Peace, Tara Marie proud momma to Katrina, Greta, Otto and Miss Emma Sage

10:43 PM  
Blogger Moreena said...

This is exactly why we value your voice on here. Although you have frequently expressed reservations about being here since "you don't have a sick child anymore," the real point of this space is to write about ourselves, as parents. Sure, we might talk about our kids an awful lot in the process, but the real point is trying to figure out, through writing, what it is like to be a parent when our parenting situations aren't exactly what we imagined they would be. The fact of the matter is that you are certainly parenting from a different place - figuring out how to go on being a parent even after suffering such a great loss. I'm so glad to read this beautiful story - and how Sarah continues to be connected not only to you and her older sister, but also your new little one. Thank you.

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Robyn said...

Thank you for this, Colleen.

8:21 AM  
Blogger madgirl said...

this touched me so very much.

i never thought i could believe in those things. in angels and signs and feelin someones presence when theyre gone.

my brothers daughter taught me to believe. cuz i cant explain some of the things she sez if my sweet brother isnt with her each day. i hear his words come from her baby lips - and i know hes watchin over us. i know.

its a gift huh? the greatest gift i couldve asked for. its amazin how many of those come from the children in our lives.

im so very sorry for your loss. thanks for sharin this.


8:11 AM  
Blogger Sarahlynn said...


My friend lost her son after a heart transplant a few years ago, and just yesterday she and I were talking about how sometimes just a song or a clip from a favorite TV program can take us back to the days in the hospital.

A video tape, though, that's a much clearer trip down memory lane.

9:21 AM  

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